Dreading the Holidays

No doubt the holidays are a real difficult time for most people. Holidays are a time for family to gather. When a loved one is no longer there, the void can create a great big hole in our heart and we can often get lost in that deep dark hole.

I've been there. I've endured loss of loved ones and I've experienced divorce.  But my associations of loss with the holidays is behind me. I've healed and I've learned how to make new memories and new traditions.

Many years ago, I worked for Coca Cola Bottling Company in their Human Resources department. Our director was a wonderful man who was also a Vietnam veteran in the United States Army. I loved working for Jim Vigent. He was a very honorable man.

Jim's wife, Diane, suffered with very poor health. When I met her, she was preparing for her second kidney transplant. The first transplant added seven years to her life and she was now seeking another chance to stay with her dear husband for as long as her body would allow.

Jim took his bride to the hospital the eve before Thanksgiving Day when her kidney transplant was scheduled. Jim was thankful for the transplant which gave him hope that he and Diane would have more years together. But it was one thing after another for dear Diane immediately following the surgery. It started with a low grade infection which grew into something much bigger. Her body was rejecting the kidney. 

It was difficult watching my friend try to hold things together at work while the doctors were trying to save Diane's life at the hospital.  He was pretty private about his faith, so I am not sure where his strength came from. But then, he survived Vietnam.

The following weeks never offered any promise of recovery for Jim's wife. It was as if she simply was not meant to have that transplant. The surgeons did everything they could to sustain her life as one organ after another began weakening and eventually shutting down.

Jim lost his bride on Christmas Day.

As each holiday season passed, Jim was reminded of this month long nightmare. Thanksgiving and Christmas were no longer welcome in his life. There were no more celebrations without Diane there to share them.

The grieving, the lonely, and the hopeless dread the approach of the holiday season. They have no heart for the cheer and the bustle, the anticipation and the excitement. 

Those reminders come for all of us at some level. What do we do with those specific dates that only flood our heart with grief? Do we continue to dedicate them to that loss?

What helps my family is sharing the gladness that came from sharing the holidays with those we've loved and lost.  This does not mean that we can not continue to find joy during the holidays. It does take time, but the longing for their presence can transform into keeping their presence with us in spite of their physical body no longer being with us.

Telling stories, laughing, crying, remembering....it's all part of the healing. Creating new traditions and changing up the scenery helps too. Eventually, the new memories mix with the old and we can cope with the dreaded 'day'.

One day soon we will see our loved ones. Believers have this hope. Until then, we can continue to celebrate their life and hang on to this beautiful encouragement from 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18...

Now also we would not have you ignorant, brethren, about those who fall asleep [in death], that you may not grieve [for them] as the rest do who have no hope [beyond the grave]. 

For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will also bring with Him through Jesus those who have fallen asleep [in death]. 

For this we declare to you by the Lord's [own] word, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord shall in no way precede [into His presence] or have any advantage at all over those who have previously fallen asleep [in Him in death]. 

For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a loud cry of summons, with the shout of an archangel, and with the blast of the trumpet of God. And those who have departed this life in Christ will rise first. 

Then we, the living ones who remain [on the earth], shall simultaneously be caught up along with [the resurrected dead] in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so always (through the eternity of the eternities) we shall be with the Lord! 

Therefore comfort and encourage one another with these words.

May this holiday season cause your heart to dwell on the goodness of the Lord and the glory of things to come...

Cherie