Compassion: My Journey to Forgiveness
How does one find the ability to forgive horrific acts of hate or evil? How does one forgive slanderous gossip or betrayal from a friend?
To forgive the most brutal attacks against me, God instilled in me a heart of compassion. True forgiveness requires compassion toward the other. This is truly a gift from God, to have a compassionate heart! Otherwise, how can our hearts break as His does?
Look at Jesus' prayer from the Cross..
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34 (NIV)
He did not just pray for forgiveness but He also looked at the condition of their heart. They did not know what they were doing; they were living in darkness and brokenness; deceived by evil. Therefore, they could not possibly understand Jesus Christ was the Light of the World!
"And the Light shines on in the darkness, for the darkness has never overpowered it [put it out or absorbed it or appropriated it, and is unreceptive to it]." John 1:5 (AMP)
"When He saw the throngs, He was moved with pity and sympathy for them, because they were bewildered (harassed and distressed and dejected and helpless), like sheep without a shepherd." Matthew 9:36 (AMP)
I've had to forgive many and I've had to forgive over and over again. My mother's second husband severely abused me; sexually, physically, and emotionally. It was not until my early adult years that I recall me and my little sister praying for God to strike him dead. When this was not happening, I just did not understand why God was not coming to our defense.
As years went on, we heard of horrible tragedies taking place upon him including accidents, attacks, and injuries that surely would leave the normal person dead. There were feelings of vindication as I truly believed he was enduring God's wrath. My belief was that God was keeping him alive to endure these punishments and sufferings.
Moving forward, I learned he became restricted to a wheelchair and unable to walk or speak. He also was not surrounded by his children or grandchildren. He really had no life. However, he'd also found Jesus. This is when the Holy Spirit began working out forgiveness in my heart.
Why was my step-father the way he was? Yes, there was pure evil dominating his life, but I reflected on the story my mom shared with me about him as a young man. When she met him, he was recovering from a motorcycle accident that nearly took his life. The impact damaged his brain, leaving him to live with epilepsy and a steel plate surgically placed on his temple. He also became addicted to barbiturates during these years he was married to my mother. These things make one unable to function normally; this is an enormous understatement if one takes the time to study the addiction to this drug alone. It is extremely damaging, neurologically.
Discovering I had compassion in my heart toward this man was only given by the supernatural power of God. It was not my doing. Though I do grieve over the pain and destruction he caused me and the rest of our family, I've forgiven him.
Though I've forgiven, he is not in my life. The Lord has revealed to me that I will see him in Heaven one day. This is a reality. I know I had to forgive him because Jesus died for the forgiveness of his sins as He did for mine.
Once I reached this place of forgiveness it felt like I had crashed through an iron door, venturing into a new existence in my relationship with Jesus!
"I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Isaiah 45:2-3
Today, as others reach out to cause me harm and destroy me, I can discern their spiritual condition, extend compassion, and pray for them. Boundaries help too! My heart hurts for them because they do not yet know our beautiful Jesus. If only they did! Even those who profess to know Him can and will hurt us. If we can reach deep into our heart and allow the God of compassion to lead us, we will see and feel their brokenness and our compassionate heart will break for them.
We may even discern a specific wound or brokenness in their life which enables us to pray in a way we never thought we could for them. Forgiveness means letting go of our own desire to seek vindication or justice. We release ourselves from the role of the judge and jury in that person's life. For it is God who will judge. God's plan for the other person's life is only known to Him.
Take, for example, his parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-27). Jewish people in Jesus’ day hated Samaritans and justified their prejudice with religious arguments. Those who told ethnic jokes about their despised “neighbors” must have been horrified to hear Jesus making a Samaritan the hero of this story. Blinded by our own agendas, we fail to see that God’s justice is not just for his chosen people; God wants justice and righteousness for all.
According to the prophet Isaiah, when God shows compassion and justice, he is simply being himself:
"And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!" Isaiah 30:18 (AMP)
"But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord." Isaiah 54:17 (AMP)
"Yet those [people and circumstances] that be against us, so far are they from thwarting us at all, that even without their will they become to us the causes of crowns, and procurers of countless blessings, so that GOD'S WISDOM turns their plots unto our our salvation and glory. See how really no one [or nothing] is against us!" ~ John Chrystostom (c. 347-407 Archbishop of Constantinople)
Forgiveness is freeing ourselves from ongoing torment. Forgiveness is humbling ourselves before the Throne of God, allowing God to come in and heal our heart while trusting He will remain faithful in His promise to reveal His goodness. It is trusting His word:
"Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you." Psalm 89:14 (NIV)
"We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose." Romans 8:28 (AMP)
While I've learned what forgiveness IS, the Lord has also revealed what it IS NOT. It is not submitting to an abuser or allowing abuse to continue. Forgiving does not necessarily include reconciliation or restoration of the relationship.
This is the process the Lord has walked me through in my journey.
When we trust in God to take care of these things, we can realize the beauty and vindication in this truth..
"Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20
Forgiveness is freedom and life from The Cross.
Only the broken can exude the fragrance of Christ...I appreciate your blog, Cherie. I am always amazed how the power of Christ can give the compassion you speak of. What a testimony to His ability when we allow Him to change us. Thank you for your ongoing testimony!! May He bless you richly!
ReplyDeleteI get every word of this... and I love it. When people ask me how I can forgive the only answer I have is "Jesus". Some people may never understand that, but I do and God does and that's all that matters. Thanks for sharing this, so that those of us who get those crazy looks from the world know we're not alone in our compassion for others. As self-righteous as it sounds (and is, actually) sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on the planet who gets this concept. I'm glad to see you talking about it. =) Love and blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteI love your comment Merry, "Only the broken can exude the fragrance of Christ". There is so much truth to this and is clearly an answer to the age old question, "Why does God allow suffering?" Thank you for your ongoing encouragement and for sharing my writings with others. Blessings to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteMeggs, I know.... the world thinks we're out of our mind or missing something. Especially when discussing the part of God allowing suffering. Suddenly He becomes the abuser or we are justifying abuse, which is so not the case.
ReplyDeleteCompassion for others is key. The Lord led me to a newspaper article several years ago about a man from my neck of the woods who raped and murdered two ladies. His lawyer dug into his genealogy and found a history of incest, mental illness, drug abuse, and violence. This guy had this in his DNA! He also was sexually abused and beaten as a young boy. Evil took hold of him along with the obvious genetics and aftereffects of his own trauma.
His lawyer wanted to present all this evidence and save him from the death penalty. That man ended up firing his attorney! He was so fearful of talking about his childhood and refused to take the stand to relive those memories in front of everyone.
When I read his story, my heart broke for him. I saw him as a small child in a grown man's body with the physical strength and desires of a man. This is where compassion for abusers came into my heart. I also was reminded of the thief on the Cross beside Jesus. Thank you, also, for your encouragement and every ounce of energy from your heart you put into saving God's children. Love you, Meggs
One of my most favorite posts of yours Cherie! Your writing and the way you support your thoughts and experiences with scripture is a blessing to me every time I visit your blog. You truly have more than the normal writer's gift of story telling, your words are anointed with the message of Christ.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of your posts that I will read many times because it speaks to me on different levels. Thank you so much for your courage in sharing the story of your painful abuse. How God brought you to understand the healing power of forgiveness in your life is a testimony to us all.
Most of all, I want to thank you for sharing the other side of the story...the abuser's life and his brokenness. This is the part of the story that I think is most hard for people to share or to hear from others.
On a human level,it is almost impossible to find mercy in our hearts for people that seem pure evil. Sometimes it is not until one finds themselves close to a person that has actually "done the hurting" before they will stop to think what caused these abusers to become the way they are. Even then, many will still just turn away rather than reach out. This is where the power of God is the only source of strength powerful enough to change our hearts and minds towards this population of people. But that is what our God is all about. No one is beyond His touch.
When we find ourselves looking down on anyone, we are forgetting the depravity of our own condition. We pray for the ability to hate the sin, but show grace, love and mercy to the sinner. As in your case Cherie, the victim might not be the one needed to reach out to the abuser, but neither should we get in the way of anyone else that might be reaching out to them. We should be grateful for the ones that He has called to minister to these broken people. We should pray for the hearts and minds of the abuser to opened up to the Good News of the Gospel. After all, Jesus came to sacrifice His life for all. His love is deep and wide enough to cover any sin that man can think to commit. ~~
Thanks for sharing this link on Darlene's post at Emerging From Broken. Forgiveness took me a very long time to do as an incest survivor. All of the struggle was worth the end results.
ReplyDeleteI was able to reconnect with myself and with God. Forgiveness for my abusers started when I could love and feel compassion for myself and for the little children that my abusers once were.
Abusers were, most of the time, abused as children themselves and out of their pain, they grew up to abuse. I don't use that as an excuse for their behavior because many more of us who were abused as children don't grow up to sexually abuse our children.
It is a choice to abuse. It is also a choice to forgive. I am glad that I was able to finally make the choice to forgive because it enriches my life.
Foregiveness is how we start to heal. This is a remarkable story, and thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your journey to forgiveness through compassion, Patricia. When we look at this, it is exactly how Jesus forgave; He looked at the hurting heart with compassion beforehand. And what an excellent point you've made about looking at your abuser as a small child. Most are trapped in their own past and living out the aftereffects of trauma in their own life. There is certainly no justification in abuse, but there can be understanding. If we can grasp this, our own life will be enriched and generational cycles broken, as in your own life. Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteCindy, I am always so blessed by you, Happy Feet!
ReplyDelete"When we find ourselves looking down on anyone, we are forgetting the depravity of our own condition." - Your words are a gentle reminder to not be knocking people around with the 2x4 sticking out of our own eye. Isn't it said that those who are forgiven much are likely to forgive? Those who know grace will extend it? Your encouragement and friendship is such a treasure, Cindy. Still waiting for your blog! Love you ♥
Glynn, thank you for sharing with us. Isn't it true how a majority of us can't fathom forgiveness? It truly is a huge obstacle in our own healing. I've discovered the main reason is because forgiveness is misunderstood. Therefore, those who've been hurt rebel against forgiving. Many therapists are guilty of teaching falsehoods on forgiveness. Christians have also delivered the message of forgiveness in a condemning fashion. It breaks my heart. but we can make a difference by sharing our testimonies with others and correcting err in thinking as we are lead to those who are not clear about what forgiveness is NOT. Amen!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to meet you, Cherie. Your ability to write these words testifies to the amazing power of forgiveness Jesus makes available. He is glorified here! :D
ReplyDeleteThank you for your openness in sharing your story. Yes, God will vindicate us, and it is up to Him, even thought we would like to take a baseball bat to the abuser. Here I Smile.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness – Yes, the ultimate “Relief” – Friendship – probably NOT.
Thanks for sharing this story. I love all the scriptures!
ReplyDeleteI too was sexually abused by my step-father from ages 4-13. I remember as a child praying and testing God if he heard me to show me a sign. I never got that sign and well, what I did afterwards would "shock" you! I do not understand why as a child, I had done that. I grew up and later on in my life became addicted to drugs and alcohol to "kill" the pain. But when I came down, the pain was still there. I had alwys wished my step-father dead also, or that he would have a heart attack and die, or be in a fatal car accident. Before he died, he had called me from his hospital bed and told me he wanted to see me, that he had to forgive "ME!" I was stunned and never went to see him. Now, I regret not having gone to see him that day! I regret not being to ask him face to face, "WHY?" Later in my life, I asked Jesus in my heart and then learned how to forgive, although it is not easy, it does give you a certain feeling that no one could ever experience unless they have indeed, "Forgiven!"~Lorraine~
ReplyDeleteMy dad, as I shared in my post in May, was an abuser, much the same as you describe, big time. He came to the Lord before his death. One of my great hopes and joys is the chance to see him in heaven ... finally the way I wanted him and, I'm sure, the way he always wished he could be. Can't say I pour out compassion when it comes to facing details like his in the lives of others, but my rage and fury has reduced very significantly over the years as the Lord has poured more and more of His mercy, grace, and love on me.
ReplyDeleteSo happy to meet all of you and your openness blesses me immensely! Hazel, someone else ended up taking a baseball bat to my abuser. Those years of rage and hate were rooted deep in me; to the point of having regular homicidal thoughts toward others who caused me grief. This is how satan perpetuates the evil we experienced ourselves. It was so bad, I was worried I might actually act out some of those thoughts. I literally ran to God for rescue from those thoughts and He did remove them from my heart and mind.
ReplyDeleteYes, Hazel, it is truly 'relief'. It was my choice not to allow these people back into my life. God is ok with that.
Bridget, God's word is what did the work in me, and the power of God's Spirit through these Scriptures. I pray they do the same in others as they are shared out here!
Lorraine, I pray you no longer carry guilt or any regrets for not going to see your step-father before he died. It sounds like you were not in the place spiritually where you could have handled his potential manipulation of your delicate heart. It may have caused you even more re-victimization. Even if he did acknowledge and answer 'why' he treated you like he did, it certainly would never make one bit of sense or justify the trauma he has caused you. I've had the same questions....'why would my mother allow this to happen?'...'why would my dad not kill my step-father, knowing what he did to his little girl?'...God finally took away the 'whys' and showed me how broken those others were. Each of them were also victims in their life. Glory to God for His tender, loving care.
Caryjo, we have so much to look forward to...No more pain, no more tears, no more fears. Only Love.
Thank you all for posting here. My heart is deeply moved. God bless you and glorify you as you bear witness to His glory in you and through you.