Compromising Our Heart

As a single woman who loves and serves God, I have learned the importance of guarding my heart from romantic matters of the heart. I mean, not just any man is going to get in there again. This has nothing to do with wrapping my arms around my heart so tight that nobody has access to it. It also does not have anything to do with the ways men have taken advantage of the love I have to give.

This has everything to do with walking in God's will for my life. My ways are simply all wrong. That has been proven, over and over again. When I've followed the ways of the Lord, He proves His ways are best. So, if I've witnessed God's best interest for me in other areas of my life, why would I not wait for His best when it comes to an intimate relationship with a man?

You've probably heard the analogy of how we tend to protect our bank PIN more than we do with access to our most treasured possession; our heart. Well, that depends on if your heart IS indeed your most treasured possession. For many, money is more protected than their own heart. Mine was at one time. I was so reckless with my heart. I am grateful for what my faith has done to bring healing and life into those areas of my heart which were once torn, broken, and simply dead.

The challenge I faced in the past was my sexual addiction, living with fear, and longing for love of any kind. Since those things were removed from my life, the perspective is a much healthier one. My heart and my body are sacred. This would have been nice to realize at the tender age of twelve, but that was not the case.

About a year ago, I experienced a real challenge in this area. I was very drawn to a guy who was a gifted writer. He was poetic and compassionate. He possessed wisdom and intellect, and expressed strong family values. So many things attracted me to him. Then I asked him about his faith. When he revealed he did not believe in Jesus as Lord and Savior, that glimpse of romantic flare blew out like you would snuff out a candle. It happened that swiftly. When he asked if that changed the possibility of us dating, I told him most definitely. His defenses went up immediately, and he accused me of judging him.

I have not yet dated a man who loves Jesus. Honestly, I will not date anyone who doesn't. I could have entered into a relationship with this man, but what would we have in common? Would there be spiritual unity?

"Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?" - Amos 3:3

What would I have in common if I were to enter into relationship with a man who is 'spiritual'? Boy, is that ever a red flag!

I say this because there must be spiritual unity between two people in order for there to be spiritual harmony. If you do not have that, how can you truly experience oneness with that person? "..and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one." - Mark 10:8

A Christian and a non-Christian have different natures, and they are not equally matched spiritually. After our relationship with the Lord, marriage is the most significant relationship in our lives, and God doesn't want us in that relationship with a non-Christian. It is interesting how many men will date and fool around with women who do not walk the Christian walk; yet, when it comes to marriage, they want to settle down with a Proverbs 31 woman. Well, I will not settle for wasting any amount of time intentionally living outside of God's will for me. It is most important to find out up front where a person is at spiritually. I suppose for many, this is not at the top of the list of relational priorities.

If you profess to be a Christian, God comes first. Plain and simple. If you are not there, I encourage you to take a look at your priorities. Your relationship with Jesus is THE most significant relationship you can have. If you are there, then you will naturally want what God wants. His word tells believers not to be yoked with non-believers.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
God desires for me to be united with a man whose heart is as hidden in Christ as mine is.

However, my flesh fights what God wants. My eyeballs speak a different language than the spirit within me. What would the benefit be of entering into a relationship with someone who does not share my same beliefs or my same love for God? I suppose some need could be met, whether emotionally or physically. However, the reality of this is us Christians will be offered all manner of enticements to lure us away from an obedient and faithful walk with Christ. Not one of us is exempt from this and not one of us is completely successful in countering them. We are born and made of flesh, and with flesh comes fleshly desires.

If God does not lead us to sin, who does? Our flesh (sinful nature), and of course, the devil loves to tempt us with his spirit of lust and seduction through others. Lust is part of the world.

"For everything in the world, the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes, and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its' desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." - 1 John 2:16-17

The best way to counteract these distractions from God's best is to remain in God's word, as it fortifies us against temptation's power. The Psalmist wrote, "Thy Word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee." - Psalm 119:11

The Word not only warns us of Satan's methods, but it empowers against attacks. Another essential to victory is to avoid temptation altogether. One of the most significant passages concerning temptation is 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
This verse is God's guarantee that He will never allow Satan to go too far. Knowing there is a way of escape, and using the escape made available to us, are two different things.

So, if i give in to temptation or seduction of the flesh, sooner or later, I will come to the realization that this person does not pray for me, and is certainly oblivious to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Do we really want to take the risk of entering into a relationship with someone who does not share the same faith?

I've been down this road, and it is a very lonely one. Going to church alone is awful when your spouse would rather hunt or fish. It is also heartwrenching to watch your spouse live according to the world and not understand anything you are talking about when it comes to things of God. This reminds me of a dear family member who loves Jesus with all her heart. Because she is so hungry for love, and believes she has met a good man, she wants to marry him. He does not know Jesus. She cried and prayed to God for her first husband to come to know Christ. He did in the last few years of his life. Those were their happiest years together. Now she wants to marry another man who does not know God, only to experience that heartache all over again?

I believe there is an exception when one of the two comes to Christ after they have already married. The other is witness to the transformation, and is likely to follow. This is not necessarily the case when a believer and a non-believer marry.

Because life is short, we should live for God while we have the time. Don't waste your life by selecting an inferior purpose that has no lasting value. Live for God--he alone can make your life worthwhile, purposeful, and meaningful. How beautiful to share life with another whose heart and mind is centered in Christ.

Father, God...Thank you for revealing your will for me, and for delivering me from those things which kept me from your will. You know my heart's desire, Lord. I feel you doing a mighty work in me. Mold me into the woman you intend for me to be. As I wait for my husband, I know you are all I need. Give me the confidence in myself when the moment comes for me to meet the man you intend for me. May he see my love for you and be equally captured by you. Lord, I know this is all in your perfect timing, and I wait in joyful anticipation of your best for me. ~ Amen ~