Standing Firm In Our Faith
This letter is written to encourage those who've experienced hurt and betrayal in their church or have experienced spiritual abuse. As I begin this letter, I am realizing this call to write is actually part of my own healing process. You see, I nearly left my church over the pain caused by a sister in Christ. This actually happened to me twice in my own church. The recent months, including this moment, have led me to a place of reconciliation within my soul. This letter appears as a way God wants me to move another step closer to this place of reconciliation.
The biggest misconception I had was that Christians were perfect. When I found myself in a pit of despair, I poured my soul into poetry and prayer. This led to finally finding a home church. I met a Christian friend, whom I trusted with my deepest hurts. For this letter, I will refer to her as Lyla. I was so thankful to finally meet a Christian friend who I could pray with and learn from. She quickly introduced me to her friends. Not only this, but I was connecting with people I already knew through my work. What a relief to have a church home with an instant circle of Christian friends!
When I found myself in big trouble, Lyla chose to run and hide. What? My Christian friend is not here for me? I was devastated. Not only did she vanish from my life, but my personal business was shared with others in the church. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and betrayed by someone I believed to be a godly woman. Once I managed to reach her on the phone, she explained she had never met anyone in trouble with the law before. I scared her and she judged and condemned me, without even knowing the circumstances. What a blow this was to my trust in my entire church! Trust issues were already a major obstacle in my life, and here I was, unable to trust Christians! Fortunately, some of Lyla’s friends stepped in and redeemed this situation. It ended up that she, herself, was a new Christian, and very broken.
Regardless of where she was in her Christian walk, it greatly impacted mine. The shame and humiliation I endured sent me retreating into a corner, unable to connect with women in my church for quite awhile. Men were another story, altogether, so going to a Pastor was not within my comfort zone. I would only attend services sporadically. It was as if I’d cautiously put my toes in the water, to have them bitten by a snapping turtle. I was not about to jump right back in. Satan enjoyed this situation, and his plan was working for awhile, though I never did let go of God.
Returning to my church was the best thing for me. It became my haven when I finally decided not to let anything wedge itself between myself and Jesus. Again, I became friends with another woman in my church. This time, she was a Christian who was mature in her walk with Christ. I am going to refer to her as Esther, for her bold and courageous spirit. Not only did Esther become a mentor and soul sister, but she discipled me and invited me to live in her home. Our agreement, after praying for a couple months, was that I would continue living in and caring for her home while she was on mission in Africa for a year. As the days drew closer to her departure, she was overtaken by fear and worry. With less than a month’s notice, she told me I needed to find another place to live. We went through intervention with our Pastor, and I was flooded with forgiveness and humility. I was quite surprised at my response and it was a clear indication of the fruits of the spirit within me. My church was so supportive, praying and caring for me. They were shocked, as they knew of our spiritual bond.
What happened next was only of the enemy trying to separate me, once again, from my church. You see, this friend was in my bible study group, and as our group supported her mission in Africa, I began to withdraw from my involvement. Mention of her name in my church brought pain and bitterness to my heart. This sent me looking for another church and bible study group where I did not have to be reminded of her. Then, the holy spirit spoke to me about ‘second chances’ and ‘forgiveness’.
I do see God’s hand in all of this. None of this was caused by God, however he used it for good. I’ve learned to trust in the Lord over any man, woman, leader, or friend. Humans will always fall short of our expectations, especially if we put them on a pedestal. Pastors make mistakes as well. I’ve heard it and seen it. We must pray for them always, as they are under attack. I remain loyal to my church and to God. It is the human nature, the sinful nature, which we must discern. “Hate the sin; Love the sinner.” If something seems to go against God’s word, whether it is advice, a gesture, or a question of character, we are responsible to hold other Christians accountable.
In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, we read that Christians are all part of the same body - the body of Christ - and each member needs or belongs to the other. This Scripture suggests the importance of strong accountability between Believers. It is important for every Believer to have at least one other person in which to confide, pray with, listen to, and encourage. Galatians 6:1-2 gives a helpful principle, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." If your accountability friend has done something contrary to the Bible, you are called to confront him gently, forgive him, and comfort him. It also admonishes you to consider yourself because no one is above temptation. Another aspect of Christian accountability is encouraging each other to grow in their spiritual maturity. Hebrews 10:24 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says to, "…encourage one another and build each other up…"
Also keep this in mind: A godly person is not one who only knows scripture. He will bear the fruits of the spirit and his actions will reflect those fruits. Christ will be the center of their existence. As I minister to new believers, I gently and lovingly explain these things, so they will understand Christians are not perfect. I tell them they may even question me at times. Good! They should hold me accountable if they discern something needing correction.
Confusion and fear are not of God. The enemy uses these tactics in an effort to destroy our faith and the purpose for which God has called us in our life. I see now how the enemy was doing everything to sabotage my passion for Jesus. I see the work the Lord is doing through me. Imagine if I would have given up! Press on and believe God has amazing plans for your life. (Jeremiah 29:11) Ask him to reveal his purpose for your life and to give you the perseverance to accomplish it. It is so lovely to realize how passionately God chased after me in His quest to call me to ministry.
There is victory in standing firm in your faith, regardless of man. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
The biggest misconception I had was that Christians were perfect. When I found myself in a pit of despair, I poured my soul into poetry and prayer. This led to finally finding a home church. I met a Christian friend, whom I trusted with my deepest hurts. For this letter, I will refer to her as Lyla. I was so thankful to finally meet a Christian friend who I could pray with and learn from. She quickly introduced me to her friends. Not only this, but I was connecting with people I already knew through my work. What a relief to have a church home with an instant circle of Christian friends!
When I found myself in big trouble, Lyla chose to run and hide. What? My Christian friend is not here for me? I was devastated. Not only did she vanish from my life, but my personal business was shared with others in the church. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and betrayed by someone I believed to be a godly woman. Once I managed to reach her on the phone, she explained she had never met anyone in trouble with the law before. I scared her and she judged and condemned me, without even knowing the circumstances. What a blow this was to my trust in my entire church! Trust issues were already a major obstacle in my life, and here I was, unable to trust Christians! Fortunately, some of Lyla’s friends stepped in and redeemed this situation. It ended up that she, herself, was a new Christian, and very broken.
Regardless of where she was in her Christian walk, it greatly impacted mine. The shame and humiliation I endured sent me retreating into a corner, unable to connect with women in my church for quite awhile. Men were another story, altogether, so going to a Pastor was not within my comfort zone. I would only attend services sporadically. It was as if I’d cautiously put my toes in the water, to have them bitten by a snapping turtle. I was not about to jump right back in. Satan enjoyed this situation, and his plan was working for awhile, though I never did let go of God.
Returning to my church was the best thing for me. It became my haven when I finally decided not to let anything wedge itself between myself and Jesus. Again, I became friends with another woman in my church. This time, she was a Christian who was mature in her walk with Christ. I am going to refer to her as Esther, for her bold and courageous spirit. Not only did Esther become a mentor and soul sister, but she discipled me and invited me to live in her home. Our agreement, after praying for a couple months, was that I would continue living in and caring for her home while she was on mission in Africa for a year. As the days drew closer to her departure, she was overtaken by fear and worry. With less than a month’s notice, she told me I needed to find another place to live. We went through intervention with our Pastor, and I was flooded with forgiveness and humility. I was quite surprised at my response and it was a clear indication of the fruits of the spirit within me. My church was so supportive, praying and caring for me. They were shocked, as they knew of our spiritual bond.
What happened next was only of the enemy trying to separate me, once again, from my church. You see, this friend was in my bible study group, and as our group supported her mission in Africa, I began to withdraw from my involvement. Mention of her name in my church brought pain and bitterness to my heart. This sent me looking for another church and bible study group where I did not have to be reminded of her. Then, the holy spirit spoke to me about ‘second chances’ and ‘forgiveness’.
I do see God’s hand in all of this. None of this was caused by God, however he used it for good. I’ve learned to trust in the Lord over any man, woman, leader, or friend. Humans will always fall short of our expectations, especially if we put them on a pedestal. Pastors make mistakes as well. I’ve heard it and seen it. We must pray for them always, as they are under attack. I remain loyal to my church and to God. It is the human nature, the sinful nature, which we must discern. “Hate the sin; Love the sinner.” If something seems to go against God’s word, whether it is advice, a gesture, or a question of character, we are responsible to hold other Christians accountable.
In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, we read that Christians are all part of the same body - the body of Christ - and each member needs or belongs to the other. This Scripture suggests the importance of strong accountability between Believers. It is important for every Believer to have at least one other person in which to confide, pray with, listen to, and encourage. Galatians 6:1-2 gives a helpful principle, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." If your accountability friend has done something contrary to the Bible, you are called to confront him gently, forgive him, and comfort him. It also admonishes you to consider yourself because no one is above temptation. Another aspect of Christian accountability is encouraging each other to grow in their spiritual maturity. Hebrews 10:24 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says to, "…encourage one another and build each other up…"
Also keep this in mind: A godly person is not one who only knows scripture. He will bear the fruits of the spirit and his actions will reflect those fruits. Christ will be the center of their existence. As I minister to new believers, I gently and lovingly explain these things, so they will understand Christians are not perfect. I tell them they may even question me at times. Good! They should hold me accountable if they discern something needing correction.
Confusion and fear are not of God. The enemy uses these tactics in an effort to destroy our faith and the purpose for which God has called us in our life. I see now how the enemy was doing everything to sabotage my passion for Jesus. I see the work the Lord is doing through me. Imagine if I would have given up! Press on and believe God has amazing plans for your life. (Jeremiah 29:11) Ask him to reveal his purpose for your life and to give you the perseverance to accomplish it. It is so lovely to realize how passionately God chased after me in His quest to call me to ministry.
There is victory in standing firm in your faith, regardless of man. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
The greatest hurts I have ever experienced were from Christians. I write about 2 experiences in my book Focused on the Master, Not the Messenger. But the main thing is to remember that God is God and man is man. It makes all the difference :) More people should learn that - it would help to heal the heartache all that faster :)
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