Trusting Safe People and Remaining Safe

Last week was a very tough week. Several contributors included stress from work, hormones, not enough time in prayer, triggers from my past, areas revealed that require healing, and simply overfilling my plate.

When times like this creep up on me, I have a choice; I can either get on my knees and ask Jesus to carry my burdens, or I can take it on myself. God wants me to rely on Him and die of 'self'. I could not see that through the mess. I could not see many things.

A big part of my struggle was how I was affected by someone else's struggles. It was how I responded to something that was done and said which directly impacted my job and my identity. Trust was broken. That is when the triggers went off like screaming sirens. This person I've trusted with my very livelihood was appearing as yet another abuser. The old Cherie would throw a fit, then run. (My fits were not pretty and used to come in many forms)

What I did in this case was I reached out to a few people I know I can trust with anything. They are familiar with my journey and I trust their spiritual discernment. There were several prayer warriors sending up the prayers, both from church and many friends I've connected with on Facebook.

Even my weekend started off on a bad note. I had not yet resolved the stresses of the week. I figured journaling might help, so I sat down at my computer and began typing away. The post, I later decided, became part of my memoir, Biker Blood. As I reflected on vindication and forgiveness pertaining to my childhood, my emotions were all over the place. Thoughts of my sister, Jami, entered my mind. Even though over seventeen years have passed since her death, I still grieve. The thing I needed most was rest and to clear the white board.

I went to bed after writing a pretty heart-wrenching paragraph. In the morning, I woke from a dream of my nephew, Frankie. He is Jami's youngest son.

The images were inside a big house with many rooms. I walked from room to room and there was much chaos. The phone rang and I hurried to the living room to answer it.

"Hi, Frankie! What's up?"

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you" is all he said.

Frankie?

There was no response. It was as if it was not him, but the Holy Spirit.

In the dream, I called my mom to tell her, "Mom, it was not Frankie talking to me. It was the Holy Spirit speaking God's Word of peace into my heart."

Not only did I receive the Word of God in my dream, but it was delivered through my sister's son! In the excitement, I grabbed my phone and sent a text message to Frankie. I then quickly called my mother to tell her all about it.

In those few minutes upon waking, I realized all the heaviness, worry, sadness, and stress had left my heart and mind. Jesus loves me so much that his Holy Spirit came and ministered to me in my sleep; a time when I could hear His voice of truth. How beautiful to appear as Frankie, and to speak this beautiful gift of peace to my soul..

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

Those prayers sure were powerful, my friends! This was no coincidence!

The person who became unsafe to me last week also fell into this category of a 'safe' person; one who I confide in and pray with. Maybe she still does hold a position of trust. However, now I am familiar with some of her struggles and how they've affected me.

As we encounter a conflict in a relationship, it can unknowingly carry forward into other relationships. If we look at this closely, our reactions to others can breed such things as rejection, and even cause one to isolate. Knowing my past tendencies to run at any sign of broken trust, I know much healing has taken place. This time, I did not run; I reached out. However, my emotional state of mind was quite unstable all week. When we enter into these moments, it affects others. Our friends and others who we engage with can detect when our behaviors change, just as we detect these things.

So, if I become emotionally unstable and isolate, what does that convey to someone who has put their trust in me? It is a huge responsibility to be authentic and to continue to nurture our relationships, even in the midst of these times. For example, if a friend of mine is taking me at my word and I suddenly change without communicating to him, how can he trust me? What if he needs to be able to trust me? I must appear 'unsafe' when I am walking through a rough time. Honestly, I believe we should be able to trust every one of our friends. The reality, however, is that 'life happens'. Things happen to people. If we are a friend, we should be able to simply ask, "Hey, are you okay?" Not everyone can do this because of their own relational/trust issues. For them, when trust is broken, triggers are set off, just as mine were.

This is the last thing we want to happen, right? Knowing what it feels like to search for a safe person with whom I can remove my mask, I never want to be the unsafe person. It is essential to those around us that we confront our brokenness, without the masks, and show others walking in the same brokenness that we are as real as they are. This sustains trust, no matter what others witness in our walk.

In reflecting back on this growing period, I am grateful for my faith and for the safe people I now have in my life. Let's all work at becoming safe people to those around us. Amen!